“A setback is a setup for a comeback.” – Bishop TD Jakes
When I was a child I dreamed of greatness then again who doesn’t. I grew up watching the greats like the Four Horsemen, Magnum TA, that Son of a Plumber Dusty Rhodes, Sting, Macho Man, Hulk Hogan, and the Ultimate Warrior dazzle on the small screen. So the greatness I dreamed of like a lot of my friends was greatness in that squared circle with a leather strap with Gold. My friends and I even made cardboard championship belts and would have matches in the basement of my best friends house much like sixteen time World Champion John Cena.
My friends and I grew up, and they went on to become great men ones is a doctor, and another is an executive for a major cable provider. But I still held on to this dream. For a short time in my young adult life I tried to pursue this dream even had a three-day tryout scheduled for the WCW Power Plant for the end of March 1999. Then life happened my father passed away, I went through a divorce, and then God blessed me with another marriage, and in February 1999 I learned I was going to be a father. So the kid who dreamed of gold was now a man with a son on the way. The dream didn’t die it just gave way to new dreams, and new things to accomplish.
The years passed and Andrew would be joined by James, and then Christina. I would then in 2003 while we were expecting Christy I would start experience strange symptoms like light-headedness, facial numbness, slurred speech, unexplained muscle weakness and balance issues. My primary doctor would refer us to a local neurologist who would spend the next seven years giving use non-answers and throwing different medications, and test at us with nothing even coming close to an answer.
In 2005 I would go through what could only be termed as my first Annus horribilis when in May my oldest sister passed away, followed by my brother just a month and a half later, then the following month my brother-in-law. Then in October I would have a full-blown Bell’s Palsy (at least that was the official diagnosis) attack that had me down for a week or so, then my aunt, and wife’s grandmother would pass before the year’s end. However, 2006 would be a much better year I would enter ministerial candidacy for The Wesleyan Church, be trained as a Church Planter, and by years end get my first real ministry position when I became the Associate Pastor at Madison Church of the Nazarene.
December 22, 2007 while attending a church Christmas party I would experience a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) a/k/a “a mini-stroke” when I had walked upstairs to retrieve something from my office. I would spend Christmas that year in a hospital bed while my neurologist was still saying he had no idea what was going on. It was discovered that I had wat is called “Factor V Leiden Thrombophilia” but this was discovered by the neurologist, or my primary physician it was discovered because my wife refused to take “I don’t know as an answer” and insisted on my being referred to a hematologist who did genetic testing. The hematologist began prophylactic treatment, and around that time my primary doctor closed up shop resulting in us finding a new doctor.
Not all things that have been face on the road leading to here have all been medical as 2005 has already shown. On March 3, 2008 we faced the greatest test of grit, our perseverance, our strength, and most of all our faith when we lost everything we owned when fire took our home.
We came out of this experience with a more steadfast faith and assurance in the supernatural provision and power of God to work through His people, and to allow us to work.
By the time November, 2009 my new doctor was close to giving me some answers that was long overdue. At my checkup just prior to Thanksgiving she said something I was quite prepared for. She told me that after reviewing everything she was fairly sure I had an undiagnosed case of Multiple Sclerosis. Those words rocked me to my core, and she wanted to refer me to one of the top neurologists in the Southeast who is an expert on this disease, but for some odd reason I felt this sense of loyalty to the neurologist who had been just dragging me along so I hesitated. I had a follow-up with him scheduled for the same week, and when I mention what she thought he honestly laughed it off and said my doctor didn’t know what she was talking about. This is the same man who said by the time I was 40 I would be in a wheelchair, and he added that we would probably never know what was wrong with me in my lifetime then looked at Christy and said we would know in her lifetime what was wrong with me. That was the straw that broke the camels back.
The family and I traveled over to Calhoun, GA to spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with her family, but this was in my mind the whole time. Fear was taking a firm grasp on me. But my wife would not allow me to give in to the fear, and that is something that in spite of the fact that we have been divorced now for nearly six-year I will forever be grateful to her for. When we returned home, and with the things we needed to look at doing for my health I stepped out of pastoral ministry, and my doctor referred me to the new neurologist.
Multiple Sclerosis is a weird disease to diagnose because science haven’t determined the true cause, or identified any DNA markers for a genetic test. The criteria for diagnosing MS is:
- Find evidence of damage in at least two separate areas of the central nervous system (CNS), which includes the brain, spinal cord and optic nerves AND
- Find evidence that the damage occurred at different points in time AND
- Rule out all other possible diagnoses
Courtesy of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
So when I saw Dr. Christopher LeGanke in the Summer of 2010 he looked at the previous MRIs, ran some test in his office to develop a baseline, and ordered a lumbar puncture and new MRI. What I didn’t realize then is that me and a MRI machine would become very well acquainted and will be so for the rest of my life. At my next appointment he diagnosed me with “nonspecific demyelination” at long last we had answers.
In May 2012 my mother would suffer the first of two debilitating strokes, the following week I would have my six month with Dr. LeGanke and the following day my wife of thirteen years would sit me down and tell me she no longer loved me, and that she wanted out of our marriage. I won’t go in to specifics as this was a dark and pain time for not only the both of us but our three children that we all had to work through in the aftermath of our divorce to redefine our family and to raise our children. Our divorce would be final a few months later.
As if the world wanted to have a good joke I would see Dr LeGanke on April 1, 2013 for my follow-up and this time this visit was different from the last. Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that feeds on stress and while I can’t say definitively but the events of the previous year was enough to tip the scales and the cause new lesions to form resulting in an official diagnosis of Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. The next month I would have to start Tysabri infusions. Which is a 2-hour IV infusion treatment that I have undergone every 28-day, and to date I have went through this 58 times. Barring a cure, a situation where I have to switch treatments, or a better treatment option it is foreseen I will have to do this the rest of my life.
In January 2014 I thought the impossible had occurred I had remarried, had a blended family and all seemed right with the world. Unfortunately this would be sho
rt lived as I would discover on my fortieth birthday that my wife was involved in an extra marital affair. But since we are at my fortieth birthday remember the neurologist who said I would be in a wheelchair at this point? We tried marriage counseling but it couldn’t be salvaged, so a few weeks after our first anniversary I moved out, and after months of still hoping to work things out I ultimately filed for divorce, and it was final the same week my five-month old great-niece passed away.
Which brings me to a time period that truly tested me as a man. In February 2015 a mentor, brother, and godfather to my children passed away, this death would be followed my by niece, a great-uncle, an aunt, grandmother, another mentor, a friend, an uncle who I was once close to, another aunt, and to be honest I know there are at least two other deaths I am forgetting. If 2005 was my Annus Horribilis then 2015 would have to be call my Annus ab Inferno because it was truly a “year from hell.”
The next two years would be fortunately relatively normal, but it would allow me to do some soul-searching. My children are nearly grown this year Andrew will graduate High School, and enter college. While I have had a few setback in the terms of having issues with my heart that required short stays in the hospital and a heart cath, but now I am back with a clean bill of health all thing considered.
I’m in the best shape I’ve been in over a decade now that doesn’t mean I don’t hurt, and don’t still experience MS flare-up because I do. But I am tired of reacting to life, God did not create me to react to life, God did not create me to be a victim to life. God create life to react to me, He created life to be a victim to me! He created me to be more than a conquer, I was created to be a Champion in all things.
One thing I have noticed about people with chronic debilitating diseases is that we are too quick to give in and throw in the towel. There have been many times I wanted to tap out but even in my weakest moment with tears in my eyes from physical and emotional pain I couldn’t tap. Then I think of the biblical account of Esther and think was I created for such a time as this?
Then I think of the Apostle Paul, and how he begged for God to remove his throne of the flesh, and God reminded him that His grace was sufficient for him. Then finally I think about my Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane in such turmoil that He was literally sweating blood, asking the Father to let this cup pass from Him, but submitting to the Father’s will. So if I was created for such a time as this I can press on, if His grace was sufficient for Paul, it is beyond sufficient for me, and if my Savior Jesus Christ didn’t tap out in the Garden, on on the Cross I will not tap, nor will someone in my corner thrown in the towel I am more than a conquer, I am a victor not a victim, I am a Champion not a Chump!
Here in 2018 I am back to the gym training like a beast, training like the conquer God made me to be. With God’s continued help, the support of my children, family and friends, and the help of doctors I am still grounding and pounding MS 24/7 365 and I know greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world and while I don’t know the win, how, or what my victory will look like I know it is MINE!
